Restoration
2 deaths, 1 funeral, 1 wedding, and 1 dress … All in 2 weeks.

I had never seen someone die before that week. Week that went from celebrating a good friends bachelorette weekend to drive 5 hrs to get ready to say good-bye to my grandma. Exhaustion, sadness, mourning and overwhelmed were all words I would describe that week. We knew my grandma was dying, she was diagnosed when a very aggressive brain tumor that was 95% positive to be cancerous and was giving 3 months to live. How do you prepare to loose someone in 3 months. You mourn, you are filled with sadness, you don’t know what to do or say. You try and spend as much time with them as possible…. and then you wait, every time your phone rings you wonder if this will the one call you never want to come. The call when your mom tells you the person who you always thought to be invincible and would be there for you wedding and first baby was going to die and you had better get here quick to say good-bye. I got there and couldn’t leave, I ended up staying for 5 days and was there when my grandma went to be with Jesus. I had never seen someone die before, I am glad I was there but it was the hardest thing I had ever done. Telling my grandma it was okay to go be with Jesus was the hardest things I have said. I wanted to scream and say ” no you can’t leave me, I need you to stay here and be my grandma.”  But I can still see her laying in that bed and knowing this place, this earth was not her home but she was going home to be with the creator of the universe and I could no longer want her to be in this world of sickness, sin, and suffering. On Friday September 13 2013 at 2:55 am my grandma went to be with Jesus and I sat by her bed and said goodbye to her for the last time. 

6 days later my grandpa (who has had dementia for the last 6 years, and hadn’t been told that my grandma died) decided that he no longer wanted to live because my grandma was gone and he went to be with her in heaven. How does this happen that I had 3 grandparents one day and 6 days later I had 1. I was not ready for my grandpa to die at all. The man was a role model for me in so many ways and was one of the most compassionate and caring person I know. 

My grandparents were some of the most selfless, loving, compassionate, generous, and others oriented people. I valued and respected my Grandparents marriage, the way they loved and respected each other, showed me what a healthy marriage could look like growing up. The way they lived out Christ love for each other through their marriage allowed them to be happily married for 60 years. I often wondered how I was like my grandparents. I don’t think I look like either of them besides having some red in my hair from my grandpa. As I spent time with my aunts, mom and grandma her last days on this earth, looking at old pictures, hearing stories and see how my grandparents have saved stuff from my childhood and how many pictures there were of us grand-kids. I knew they loved us very much.  It also made me understand who my grandparents were. Servant hearted, they volunteered much of there time at their church, the homeless shelter, and other organizations.they were hospitable, always inviting people over,and loved hosting things. During family events and holidays they would show up hours early to help set-up and get things ready. They loved to cook, in their pantry are all these cookbooks and recipes from magazines. My grandma was always trying new recipes and talking to be about what recipe she just tried. Lastly, their creativity from making wooden ducks to cross-titch and other things they would make with their own hands. These are all things that I see in my own life and will carry with me and when I am doing these thing in my own life I will know it is because of my grandparents. I will carry their legacy of them with me forever.

(this is what I wrote to share at their memorial service)

I went from a funeral on Saturday to the next Saturday coordinating my good friend’s wedding.

Needless to say, these last 3 weeks have be a roller coaster of emotions and figuring out how to do I keep living my life with all that has happened in the last weeks. How do I process that I lost 2 of my grandparents in 1 week and keep going with work, and life when 2 people I loved very deeply leave this earth.

I don’t know the answer…… 

We can’t tame our tongue, we can’t stop talking it’s a restless thing in us. We can choice what we can say. We can either praise God or curse God and his creation. 

My niece Aurora is on the left with all the tubes and my nephew Ashton is on the right.

My niece Aurora is on the left with all the tubes and my nephew Ashton is on the right.

The Last 2 weeks

These last two weeks have been full of adventures and craziness. From starting school at a new school CSU Chico. I was really popped for the semester and what God had planned. Classes were good beside a teacher giving us a quiz on the second day of class on the 1st chapter of our book. I am actually interested in what I am learning for once. That was all last week, this week has been intense. Tuesday night at 9pm my sister-in-law had the twins a boy and girl. There was some complications including my sister in law bleeding to much and her uterus not working properly. She pasted out after the twins were born and she was in lots of pain and was kinda out of it. Then also Aurora (the Girl) had a problem with breathing, she ended up having a leak in her lungs and air was getting into her chest cavity. They had to air lift her to UC Davis at 3 am. My brother and mom drove down in the middle of the night to UC Davis and have stayed there till today. I was feeling stressed and worried because I love being there to help people and know what is going on but I had to stay in Chico and go to school and work. I was doing ok till today when my mom calls me and tells me that my dad is at the hospital in redding for chest pains and they don’t know if he had a heart attack. I went and picked up my mom at UC Davis this morning (I did get to see Aurora) and then drove her to Redding where we find out thankfully that my dad didn’t have a heart attack but he does have some blockage in his artery. It is really good that they found it now and not later on when he actually had a heart attack from it. I am emotionally exhausted I don’t know if I can handle anything else. I am excited to see the twins and get to hold them this weekend. Please pray for my family.

I have discovered that God does not free me from all of my weakness. Rather, he frees me to cry out to him, as I struggle to do what is right.
Andrew Comiskey
skebba:

a pretty cool life.: Rainbow Bunting Baby Quilt Tutorial

for you caitlin
fluttermill:

Sewing flowers. 

fluttermill:

Sewing flowers. 

I like blue and orange together right now

I like blue and orange together right now

Love the Tree behind the bed.

Love the Tree behind the bed.

love love love this color…..

love love love this color…..

Pick up your cross and follow me.

Pick up your cross and follow me.

Suffering

I just spent a incredible week on the beautiful island of Catalina. We studied the second half of the book of Mark from the bible. The week before was a stressful week of insurances and car repair to finding out the day before leaving that the insurance was not going to fix my car but instead total loss it. Leaving for Catalina I had to decide that I was going to leave the stress and worry of that at the feet of Jesus. Worrying about that over the week was not going to do me any good. I am really proud of myself and I actually did not think about it at all. That week as we were studying the 2nd half of Mark. I realized how much Jesus suffered for me. How much he was mocked for my sake. As we were studying the crucifixion we ended for the night and I just went and sat of the beach alone and cried out to Jesus. I did not feel worthy of the things Jesus went through for me. I cried out to the creator of the universe and said i am not worthy. After about a half an hour he finally replied you are right you are not worthy, but you are worth it, I already did it for you. Just take up your cross and follow me. Lose your life to save it. Be here to serve not to be served. So many of the stories in Mark are about people giving up everything they had for the sake of Jesus. The widow, the women with the perfume, and the disciples. They truly get what this life is all about. I hope that I live a life that is for the sake of Jesus. One question I keep thinking about is, if I am suffering for Jesus today.

I hope this at least makes your brain start thinking.

Beautiful

The word beautiful has been on my mind a lot the last couple days. I have never though of myself as beautiful. I person had me almost convinced that i was beautiful because he said i was alot. But then i found out he was lying and cheating on me. So how can i trust what he said about me to be true. It interesting how the beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but yet the world has one image of beautiful. The tall, skinny, Blondie with tan skin in designer clothes is the image of beautiful and very one is compared to that. I wish we did not live in a society of that. I for one am going to try and stop comparing people and see the true beauty that is in every person. God made each of you unique how dare we say that one of the things he created is not beautiful. We need to accept that beauty is not a one size fits all. Also i believe true beauty is on the inside. Because what is on the inside reflects on the outside. I hope that one day the world will see beauty as it really is.